Friendship and sweatpants.
What do those two have in common? At first, they might not seem to go together. Bear with me though, and I think you will find they are far more connected than you might think.
There are many characteristics of great sweatpants. I’m sure some immediately come to mind. I have a theory that they are the very same characteristics as those of great friendships. The following are those that I feel make the list as most important.
Anticipation
After a long day of wearing work clothes, we all know that feeling of walking through the door and making a dash to our closet to find that pair of sweatpants. Whatever your work attire is, a suit, a formal dress, or business casual, it just doesn’t hold a candle to those sweats. Not just any pair of sweatpants though. That one pair of sweatpants. Sliding them on is like coming home at long last. No matter how long it’s been since you last wore them, you can’t wait to put them on.
Friendship to me should be the same way. Time away from friends, is like wearing uncomfortable clothes. Looking forward to spending time with friends should be anticipated like sliding on that one pair of sweatpants. You just can’t wait. That’s the way I feel when I know I have plans with friends. Perhaps you use that “cool” countdown timer on your phone (cough..guilty…cough), or set reminders on your calendar. Whatever your way is, isn’t that the way we want the anticipation of meeting friends to feel?
We’ve all had the opposite experience right? The one where your significant other plans something with people, and you just don’t want to go? That’s like not being able to change at the end of your work day. If meeting “friends” feels like wearing a shirt or pants that are too tight, or rigid…what’s the point?
Comfort/Flexibility
One of the many great things about that pair of sweatpants is that you can completely relax. You can sit any way you want, bend any way you want, stand any way you want, and still be completely relaxed and totally comfortable.
That pair of sweats are also incredibly flexible. Want to wear them to the store? Go ahead. Kick back and watch a movie? Feel free. The best part is the more you wear them, the more comfortable they get!
Isn’t that what true friendship is like too? The best and truest friends I have are those that don’t rely on set and rigid plans. In fact, there doesn’t need to be plans at all. Those friends can simply show up, and we can figure it out from there. Maybe they call at the last minute, or a night out on the town becomes a night on the couch playing Catch Phrase. Often those are the times that make lasting memories. There’s no need to “dress to impress” with these friends. These types of friendships are just like those sweats, the more time you spend with them, the more comfortable you get.
Familiarity
You know what to expect from that pair of sweats. There’s that one small stain from spilling some coffee, or that one hole from snagging it on the chair. You know them so well, and no matter how long it’s been since you have worn them, you know what to expect.
That is what true friendship is like, in my humble opinion. Whether it is only a few days, a few months, or even a few years, you’re so familiar with each other that it feels as if no time has passed at all. There is no awkwardness or tension, just a sense that everything feels right. You know the rhythm of the conversation, you know which buttons you can push, and those you can’t. Those movie references you slide in not only don’t go unnoticed, but are the beginning of a 5 minute tangent.
How about going to a friend’s house? Just like those sweats, and knowing how they are going to feel all the time, you know the lay of the land. You don’t have to ask where the cups are…you probably have your own! Not only do you know them, you probably know their family too. Their parents are your parents. Perhaps you are even a “red-headed stepchild” or have some other endearing nickname. There’s a reason familiarity sounds like family right?
The opposite can also be true. There are those sweats you don’t wear very often and you forget they don’t have pockets, or you realize there is no drawstring. There just isn’t that level of familiarity. Ever been out with some “friends” and felt this way? You probably know the feeling. Maybe you’re at dinner and the conversations is one of those, “Sorry guys, I drank a lot of water today,” multiple restroom visits kind of conversations. The silence isn’t awkward, it’s more of a relief. Your sarcasm goes unnoticed, and your line from Anchorman only gets a puzzled look. Those are the dinners where the food can’t get there fast enough. Not the rambling two hour, tell the server, “We’re going to be here for a while.” kind of dinners. Not like those sweats that you don’t even have to look to put your hand in the pockets.
Experiences
Usually the only way a pair of sweats gets to become “that pair” is over a period of time. Sometimes that is a long period of time, and sometimes a short. The “longevity” of those sweats is really more in the lifetime of experiences you’ve had while wearing them. You’ve experienced a lot together, those sweats and you. Victory and defeat by your favorite sports team, games of catch in the yard, hundreds (or thousands) of jump shots in the driveway, dozens of movies and TV shows in your favorite chair. These experiences over time are as much a part of the sweats as the fabric itself.
Friendship and experiences are often tied together the same way. Most of us have that friend that no matter how hard we try, we just can’t seem to think of a memorable moment that they are not an integral part. Perhaps it started on a playground. Maybe a Cub Scout meeting. Or maybe in that one class as freshman in high school. It could have started during a birthday party in middle school. And that’s only the beginning! That’s not counting the memories made after. Maybe that friend moves away, but there are summer trips to reconnect. Foil packets over a campfire, and vacations to a cabin in the mountains. However it started, and however it continues, the memories made over what feels, in a good way, like an eternity, bond your friendship together in a way that cannot be torn apart.
However, longevity does not always equal comfort. You know that pair of sweats that are your last resort? The ones you wear only if everything else is dirty? You leave them at the bottom of the pile because no matter how many times you wear and wash, they are what they are; itchy, uncomfortable, and they just don’t fit. Sometimes people in your life are like that pair of sweats. I have a hard time carving out time in my life for those people, the same way I do everything possible not to put on that pair of sweats.
Experiences don’t always equal longevity though. Perhaps you, like me, have a pair of sweats that felt right from the moment you put them on. The length is just right, the fabric is just right, and you just know.
We also discover friendships like that in life. Usually a little later on, after school is done and careers have begun. Perhaps it’s a once in a lifetime thing, where a colleague says, “You and my husband would really get along.” and it’s the one time that this is actually true. Or maybe it’s a friend of a friend, or someone you start working with. These friendships might not have, at least at the time, the longevity of others, but that doesn’t mean the bond isn’t just as strong.
Sometimes you just know.
Sometimes friends have had a lifetime to experiences things together, and sometimes friends have just had a lifetime of experiences.
Reflection
I’m going to be honest with you. I don’t have a lot of close friends. Therefore, those I hold dear I value that much more. Hopefully you know who you are, I love you guys!
As William Shakespeare once wrote:
The friends thou hast, and their adoption tried,
Grapple them unto thy soul, with hoops of steel.
The High Release 